December-January 2011

Posted by Michael G. Duhaney on 21 December 2010 | 1 Comments

Expressions by Candice Wilmore

"A crone is not an age, nor is it a time, it is a state of mind. What sets a crone apart is her willingness to tell the truth about her life."

Willing To Tell: Woman and Truth

In preparation for this series, I've been reading the words of others who have chosen the topic of women and truth and what it means for us to be truly honest about our lives.

On the surface, it seems fairly obvious what it takes to "tell the truth" about one's self. Amidst what's already been said and written, truth is considered everything from the secrets of childhood sexual abuse to an aging woman's reaction to loosening skin on her neck. To others, truth is discussing faked orgasms, insecurity in male-dominated boardrooms or the challenges of maintaining closeness in a marriage.

From yet another perspective, truth telling is relegated only for the more upbeat depictions of the female as strong and powerful, the "goddess" as some may choose to portray the truth of womanhood.

Some have proposed that real truth can never be fully expressed, arguing that "we live in a patriarchy in which women are deterred from expressing thoughts or feelings that might disrupt the harmony of relationships." (The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner)

In reality, I admit to having no certain and clear definition of what it means for me to really "tell the truth about my life." I often make a distinction between life, small "l" and Life, big "L." It's the same with truth. Are we talking big or small "t" here, because those are two very different animals indeed.

It's a fact that I am the second oldest of seven children. Does that mean I've spoken the truth about myself? In one sense yes, of course. Does that mean I've understood something real and profound though? Does it signify I've shared the same with you?

Take that further. Suppose I talk about such things as childhood abuse, which I can surely do. Have I shared my truth even more then? Is it more valid or more important than the death of my grandmother, the size of the home I was raised in or the things that interested me as a child?

Again, I have no clear definition at this point in my exploration of the subject. My vantage point has changed over the years. Hopefully that's the case with every person. As Muhammad Ali says, "A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life."

If my ideas about the truth of my life are the same now as they were a decade ago, I'd consider that a serious waste of time and precious moments in which to learn and grow. The good news: those ideas are not the same. The bad news is that I'm attempting here to express what "willing to tell" means for me today, and that is not unfolding as easily as I would have imagined.

I find the challenge very exhilarating, however. I am not compelled or determined to take what I've read and heard from others on this topic and simply offer something original. Whether I have a new point of view is not my main concern. I embark on this venture for my own discovery and fascination. If others find what I share in any way useful or insightful, that would, of course, be wonderful.

I will end Part One by saying that the prospect of clarifying what I consider "the truth about my life" is one that has me, for now anyway, staring at a blank slate... at least a blank screen, cursor blinking steadily as I sit attempting to tell that truth, first and foremost, to myself.




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  • Truth can be confronting. While life itself is a beautiful agent of truth. It unfolds, undeniable, absolute. But... I don't always like what I see in Life's mirror. The loosening skin that marks the steps time has taken across the landscapes of my skin. The truth of feelings within me that want to freely speak, but choose instead to catch silently in my throat...but that's fear, not truth, so is anything that resists the reality of what is for that matter. Are we not caught in these little battles that want to be heard? When we provoke them into further being, do we lose or find ourselves there?
    Meanwhile between the walls of resistance and the convincing covert vernacular of fear is life and it's immaculate blueprint of truth. Maybe as I remember this I can work, play, love, speak sans a road map. It's interesting the t and the T.
    Thanks Candice

    Posted by Cara Tower, 03/02/2011 11:05pm (8 years ago)

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